All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Randomize
