so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
