i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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