somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
