upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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