dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
