She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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