you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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