Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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