who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
