get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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