I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
