Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
