yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm always down for nudity.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
