You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
only you would photoshop your dick
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
