you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
