there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
