Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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