Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Randomize
