I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
