either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
