Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
