i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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