Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
