Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
