I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
