do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
