i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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