I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
