Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
