Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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