It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
