she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
