You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
