They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
