i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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