oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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