I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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