so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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