he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
