Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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