You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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