Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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