you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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