youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
