Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He shit in the fireplace
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
