matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
