sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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