true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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