Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
