Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
