somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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