We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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