tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
