Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
