dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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