Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
