she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
