she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize