i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
