Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
