She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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