Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
