I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
