i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
