She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
