Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Randomize
