but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
