Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
