I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize