Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
