sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
