So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
