I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
