im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize