someone get that fucking seahorse.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
