So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
