He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
