Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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