I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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