just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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