Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
