I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
