So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
