i think my tv is drunk
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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